Love Letter: Attachment Myths and Misunderstandings (4/26/23)

The greatest predictor of relationship happiness and health is secure attachment. However, secure attachment doesn’t mean perfect

Thanks to social media, we have access to so much relationship information, but it’s a little bit of a blessing and a curse. I am grateful attachment is now in the minds of so many people because it matters. It does make a HUGE difference relationally to know what our patterns are and what are productive behaviors. 

The thing is, we’re getting a little obsessed, and I want to help break down what actually matters around attachment. Especially as I, myself, practice cultivating secure attachment with my child. 

Your midweek mantra is, “My attachment style is not a problem to be solved. I am a work in progress, and I can learn how to have healthy relationships and have compassion for myself”

Our attachment system is part of our brain designed to manage our connection with our caregivers. Knowing your attachment adaptation is incredibly important in taking responsibility for how you show up in a romantic relationship. 

Attachment impacts sex, communication, and conflict. 

It also impacts how well we give space in a relationship and how well we tolerate closeness. 

Secure attachment is not a “goal” but a practice, and yes, no matter what your attachment style is, you CAN practice the BEHAVIORS of someone who is securely attached. 

You can spot the ones who are also practicing becoming securely attached. 

Let’s practice noticing who supports our healing and who triggers us so much that healing becomes impossible. 

A relationship can be healing when the environment supports both people. You can’t heal if you are activated and triggered ALL the time. 

You CAN when you are both willing to be vulnerable, compassionate, empathetic, and accountable for how you’re showing up. 

I do this work with all of my clients because it matters

It matters to know if YOU are available for intimacy and if someone else is showing up available too. 

In my Open to Love course, there is an entire workshop on attachment, identifying your style, and how to practice the behaviors of someone secure. 

I’ve worked with clients with anxious attachments and avoidant attachments. Let’s stop vilifying the avoidant attachment style, shall we? 

Open to Love is available for you to enroll in at ANY time – it’s my signature self-paced program. What attachment style are you: avoidant, anxious, secure, or disorganized? 

Check out The New Truth podcast episode from this week, “How to Become Securely Attached for a Healthy Relationship.” In this episode, we interview a licensed therapist and relationship coach, Samantha Burns, (and my good friend!) about the three different attachment styles and their impact on your relationships. Learn what attachment styles are, how they develop, and what it takes to become securely attached and attract an emotionally available partner! 

I love you,