Love Letter: Let’s unpack what triggers are about (2/1/23)

Happy Wednesday! 

This topic is incredibly important to me as I’ve entered the new world of motherhood. Let’s just say I’m triggered a little more often than I thought I would be. [smiley face with sweat emoji] I’m finding myself doing work to stay centered, curious and calm as old feelings arise. I am discovering more and more about myself every day. 

I’ve been working with clients for almost 11 years now, and working through their reactivity and triggers is a huge part of the work since it is the main path to emotional maturity and resilience. 

Here’s a powerful reframe: our triggers are our teachers, and when we do the work, we can become free from drama and dysfunction and, instead, thrive in our relationships.

Your midweek mantra is, “My triggers are my teachers. I commit to discovering me.”

We know the Disney fairytale has failed us. I think we are failing ourselves these days by continuing to believe that there is such a thing as a “perfect” relationship. 

Life is messy, and so are our relationships. That’s because we are imperfect, flawed humans, and the best relationships are ones in which our flaws are embraced, and we don’t have to pretend to be someone we’re not. 

We are able to be the mature, magical, imperfect beings that we are, AND through loving and being loved, we are able to become more than we would be alone. 

This statement is shared often, but I want to be clear – there isn’t a relationship where you will NOT BE TRIGGERED. 

Your triggers belong to you

Radical responsibility says:

❤️‍🩹 Is this person safe enough to process what I’m going through, or do they remind me of my childhood material? 

❤️‍🩹 Does this person constantly trigger me because it’s too familiar from my childhood, or is this a healthy person where it’s now safe for my sh*t to come up, and it’s mine to heal and work through with them? 

Healing is about presence. Our triggers are about our PAST. 

The truth of continuing to engage in a dysfunctional relationship is continuing to engage with your past trauma. 

The healing journey is being willing to make new choices, choices that are in service to the person you are becoming, the person you are NOW, and choosing a person that helps you believe in all that is good and wonderful about you. 

Imperfect relationships do not mean abusive relationships – they mean relationships in which conflict, triggers, disagreements, and disconnection EXIST, but people always find a way back to each other with warmth and kindness, and consideration. 

To heal past dysfunction, join Open to Love, my signature dating program designed to help you transform past pain for a peaceful and passionate partnership.

To become the kind of partner you want to attract, join Open to Love.

Check out The New Truth podcast episode from this week, “How to Build Connection on a Dating App.” We share tips on how to make connecting with someone virtually (before the first date) – more easy, pleasurable and more fun. Your energy and time are precious – and dating apps can often feel overwhelming when you’re connecting with so many people. Listen to hear us teach you how to decipher which connections are worth investing in and how to deepen your virtual conversation so you can determine if someone’s aligned with you for an in-person date!  

I love you,