Love Letter: Why Relationships Fall Apart (11/29/23)

This year, I am very present to the tenderness of the holiday season. Here’s what I mean…

Last year, I was five months postpartum and grieving the sudden and tragic loss of Andrew’s Mom. To be honest, the holidays were kind of a blur. I also traveled right before Christmas with Madelynne for a retreat, so Andrew got a Christmas tree and decorated our entire house on his own. 

This year, I feel grateful that we were able to get our tree together this weekend. I caught myself taking it in: Madelynne walking through the trees holding my hand and the three of us together.  I had a moment where I was struck by so many truths of life – that everything changes, that we can feel multiple things at once, and that all we really have is the present moment. 

Suffering is a part of life, pain is a part of life, but there is a difference between meaningful suffering and meaningless suffering. Meaningless suffering is self-inflicted – it’s when we judge ourselves, criticize ourselves, waste time on things that don’t matter and when we lie to ourselves and others. 

Truth telling sets us free, ourselves and our relationships. Truth telling is how we reveal our heart and we can only find the friends / partner / family that are aligned with us when we share our heart. 

Your midweek mantra is, “Telling the truth about how I feel, what I desire and what I need is how I set myself free”

Nothing happens “by accident.” 

Conscious relationship is intentional. Conscious LIFE is a life of intention.

I think the fairytale myth is problematic in many ways, but especially the idea that just “finding the right person” somehow means you don’t have to do the deep, skillful, and mindful work of creating love every single day. 

What destroys relationships are lies, half-truths, held-back longing, and people-pleasing. 

We can only be loved to the extent that we reveal ourselves, and those with the fear of abandonment, those who have struggled to feel embodied in their truth, and those who believe they can “scare someone away” are the ones who never quite fully get MET in Love. 

Relationships require truths and the ability to reveal ourselves, and sometimes that includes our HURT and our desires. 

We CREATE the love we desire; we create love through our behaviors and commitments; we create love by not wishing or hoping that someone else will do this life thing for us. 

Difficult conversations in healthy relationships bring you closer together. 

There is safety in sharing how you feel in healthy relationships, and so many people have no idea what that’s like. 

Check out The New Truth podcast episode from this week, where I interviewed my past client, Jacki Carlson on “Healing Body Image Issues to Enjoy Dating.” Jacki is now a Confidence, Body Image and Dating Coach for women and teen girls on the truth of what it takes to transform body image struggles. Listen to learn what drives body image struggles, how to navigate dating with confidence and hear Jacki’s story from single to partnered after working with me.

I love you,