Love Letter: Healing Codependency (6/21/23)

I believe relationships are our greatest teachers for growth, healing and transformation. ALL relationships, not just romantic. The relationship we have with ourselves, relationships with friends and family and especially the relationship we have with our children offer us so much teaching. 

You’ve heard me say it 100 times – no one teaches us how to do relationships well. The “teaching” we see includes our parents relationships, movies and television and then the story we play in our head on what we think it’s “supposed” to be like. 

Great relationships are MADE, they do not “just happen” and they require a shit ton of INTENTION. Sometimes, intention and effort people are not willing to make. If you’re here, with me on this journey, I know you are willing! 

Codependency is not a personal fault, but the patterns of codependent relating are incredibly destructive. It is our responsibility to shift and to walk the journey of coming home to ourselves. Nothing has helped me more than healing my codependency. 

Your midweek mantra is, “I am willing to heal.

Codependency is essentially a lost sense of self. 

A codependent person is someone who outsources their sense of self to what others think, how others behave, and how others relate to them and offer their energy to save, fix, change, and support others at the expense of themselves.

The journey of healing codependency is a journey back to self:

  • learning loyalty to SELF, rather than to people who hurt you
  • validating yourself rather than chasing it from others 

Nurturing yourself, caring for yourself, and acting like you matter are the ways home to yourself.

Keeping promises to yourself is the fastest way to build self-esteem.

Another way is having relationships with people who are capable of making agreements – plus, following through is how a relationship becomes solid. 

It is possible to feel deeply connected to someone else while remaining connected to yourself. That’s healthy intimacy. 

What affirmation did you need today? 🤔

How we speak to ourselves matters and the phrases we use over and over again have tremendous influence on our feelings and behavior. Say these affirmations out loud a couple times a day or however often you need them!

Check out The New Truth podcast episode from this week, “Why You Can’t Find Love.” We share all the reasons why your heart may be closed to love or why you haven’t met the right person yet. If you’ve been single for a long time or keep having relationships fizzle out – this episode is for you. 

I love you,