Love Letter: 4 Questions To Ask Your Date (5/17/23)

One of the biggest things holding women back is the fear of being assertive and direct. I have watched countless “dating tips” essentially continue to perpetuate the fear that women can “scare someone away” and then leaving women to feel powerless around what they can create in love. 

My work is restoring your power, confidence and capacity to love and be loved. You do not have to be afraid to ask for what you need, to share your vision and most of all, share YOURSELF when dating someone!

I offer these questions this week not to necessarily ask on a FIRST date, but to see that asking powerful and thought provoking questions will lead you to discover how self aware the person you are dating is and whether or not they are truly aligned for you and capable of partnership. 

Healthy relationships are created by the health of the individuals IN them!

Your midweek mantra is, “I release all my fears around asking direct questions as I get to know someone. I enjoy getting to know people to find if they are aligned with me.

The questions above are so much better than “What are you looking for?” don’t you think? 

I believe you NEED to ask revealing questions in the beginning of a relationship to save yourself from the reasons you’ll break up later. 

Most people are too afraid to ask, and then that leads to inauthenticity in a relationship and deep unhappiness. 

ASK THESE QUESTIONS and make sure when you ask them, you remain warm and open, and curious about the answer! 

What someone NEEDS in a relationship is very different than “what they are looking for” and won’t give you a big list of what kind of partner they want. 

Asking this question is about self-awareness (and will tell you what attachment style they lean toward!). 

It will also help you know if they know how to ASK for what they need. 

You want someone who responds to reconnection by saying, “I know conflict is inevitable in a relationship, I know disconnection will happen, and I’ll always prioritize repair and reconnection by initiating contact or time alone or space to do things together.” 

Instead of asking, “What did you learn from your last relationship?” asking what skills they are working on tells you if they did, in fact, learn anything from their last relationships 🙂 

This might be being more assertive, flexible, humble, communicating, setting boundaries, etc. 

Asking someone what helps them de-stress is SO IMPORTANT because STRESS often ruins relationships and causes a lack of coping skills. 

Make sure the answer is not “drugs and alcohol” and that this person has excellent behaviors that support their self-care. 

Make sure you know the answer to these questions for yourself, too!

Check out The New Truth podcast episode from this week, “How to stop comparing yourself to other women.” Listen to hear us share why women do this and how to once and for all stop comparing yourself to other women. If comparison and jealousy has been a struggle, this episode is for you! 

I love you,