Love Letter: To Stay or to Leave (11/2/22)
I am three and a half months in with this journey of motherhood, and I am blown away by how many similar lessons there are in parenting as there are in partnership. We are in relationship to everything in our lives.
Yes, the relationship we have with ourselves reflects the relationships we share with others, but I wish for more people to understand that everything is about relationships.
The point of life is to bring our authentic selves TO life, to live out our purpose, and to know love. At least, that’s what I believe. It is really hard to know ourselves if we don’t know what our authentic desires are, if we are afraid of our feelings and if we don’t know what’s true and real and healthy about romantic relationships.
Your midweek mantra is, “I am learning to trust myself. I honor my ‘yes’ and my ‘no.’” ✨
Codependency is essentially about a lost sense of self. It is the result of a dysfunctional childhood in which a child didn’t learn how to trust themselves, how to be themselves, and to know that they were enough.
Codependents struggle to know what their needs and boundaries are and struggle to be authentic because they are, more often than not, people pleasers, performers, and perfectionists.
Many of my clients come to me to celebrate how “loyal” they are, only to find out that their loyalty is an adaptive strategy they learned in childhood. I teach women to be loyal to themselves, to keep agreements in their relationships, yes, but not at the EXPENSE of themselves. It doesn’t take long for the “loyal” codependents to realize they’ve been loyal even though people have hurt them, lied to them, or lacked the same commitment as they did.
No one can tell you if it’s time to leave your relationship or if it’s time to learn the art of commitment.
Real relationships will go through seasons, ebbs, and flows and many people sometimes make life-changing decisions inside a season.
I have shared before that there is a difference between a pattern and a circumstance. Lots of my clients are used to giving people third, fourth, and fifth chances rather than letting people show them who they are and knowing how to let go.
May the only person you’re truly loyal to be yourself.
May you learn how to have healthy boundaries so that you are authentic with every “yes” and every “no.”
May you learn that even if you love someone, they might not be right for you. Even if you’ve been together for a long time, you might have grown apart. Even if you’ve never received all you needed in a relationship, it doesn’t mean you’re asking for too much.
Only when a woman knows how to walk away can she authentically stay in a relationship that’s right for her.
If we don’t know how to leave, it creates dependency. And if we don’t know how to leave, it impacts our ability to tell the truth in our relationships and to be ourselves fully.
It’s a wild ride and always worth it. ❤️
Check out The New Truth podcast episode from this week, where Kate and I share the truth about “How to Trust Yourself in Love.” In this episode, we share what robs women from trusting themselves in life and love – and how it impacts dating and relationships. If you are someone who struggles with comparing yourself to other people, doubting yourself, and looking for answers outside of yourself – this episode is for you. You’ll learn how trusting yourself will completely change your love life.
I love you,
P.S. Trusting yourself is the most important thing you can learn how to do. This is what my program, Homecoming is about. It’s my signature, self-guided, foundational program to all of the work I do, and you can access it at any time. You are allowed to want what you want and need what you need and feel what you feel and learn how to bring your authentic self to the world. Click here to learn more about this program!