Love Letter: I bet you didn’t know this… (11/30/22)

Sending you love today for however you are and however you are feeling this holiday season. 

I know this can be an intense time for many, and often because of the pressure and unrealistic expectations we put on ourselves during this time, along with the cultural “norms” and assumptions. 

I want you to know you aren’t expected to feel anything this season, and if you are struggling, you’re not alone. If you are celebrating with a partner for the first time this holiday, I am so happy for you. And, if you are celebrating good news, I am thrilled for you! 

Remember, this is a season

Whatever we are feeling, it’s a season. Everything changes. That’s the truth of life. 

Celebrate fully if that’s where you are, and grieve fully if that’s where you are. 

I am holding both: celebrating that my husband and I have moved into our new home that we’ve waited 2+ years for and grieving the heartbreak of spending the holiday without his Mom for the first time. 

Your midweek mantra is, “I am worthy and deserving of receiving what I need.”

There are a lot of conversations happening in my world about needs in a relationship. There are things that every person needs – affection, emotional support, respect, and belonging, and then there are the things that are important to each individual, maybe growth, adventure, or space. 

There are many layers around getting our needs met relationally, and asking for what we need is ONE skill – the first skill is that we believe we are worthy to receive. This is openness. 

We won’t ask for what we don’t believe we deserve. 

We won’t ask for something we are judging ourselves for. 

We won’t ask for something we believe is “too much.” 

We won’t ask for something we’ve maybe never received. 

You can have the skill of asking and have read all the books on the “right way to say it,” but if you don’t believe you are worthy and deserving of having what you need in a relationship, it doesn’t matter. 

If you don’t believe you are worthy and deserving of having what you need in a relationship, you’re also going to date people who can’t give you what you need. 

You’ll date people you’ll give to, maybe hoping and wishing they somehow see you too. 

Being open to love is about both giving and receiving. Many clients I work with are well-versed in GIVING, not so much receiving. 

If you struggle with receiving, practice asking for help. Practice noticing when you receive compliments, gifts, or any gesture of kindness, and be willing to let it in. 

Check out The New Truth podcast episode from this week, where Kate and I share the truth about “When the Ones You Want Don’t Want You.” We unpack the reason why so many women experience the men they’re attracted to don’t like them back, but the men who are interested in them – they aren’t interested in them. We show you how to break free from this painful dating cycle, so you can finally experience mutual attraction and have the men you desire – desire you back!  

I love you,