Love Letter: The reason you struggle with boundaries (10/5/22)

There is nothing talked about more when it comes to relationships than boundaries. Ok, maybe sex is talked about more, but boundary work is the essential work of healthy relating. It’s a big topic because many people are very confused about it, and many people have a very hard time with them. 

Boundaries are hard because of survival behaviors like people pleasing, perfectionism, and fear of abandonment. Boundary work is essential because it is the only way to keep love safe. 

Your midweek mantra is, My boundaries keep me safe, connected, and closer to Love.

Boundaries are NOT about “rules” or ways of controlling OTHER PEOPLE’S behavior. 

Boundaries are the standards for keeping love safe

They help you stay protected, connected and embody your sense of who you are. 

Many people have experienced boundary violations or parents who have no boundaries, and now, many people still think boundaries are about telling other people what to do. 

Boundaries are FOR YOU. 

Codependency is essentially about a lack of boundaries, someone being unable to tell where they begin and end, leading to enmeshment in relationships. 

I always tell my clients – the goal is protected AND connected. 🙌

The goal is RESPECTED, and that’s what boundaries do. 

Boundaries are about self-respect, and when dating, this raises the bar for how people treat you. You are not responsible for other people, but you are responsible for yourself. 

Many relationship issues arise when there is control, rules, walking on eggshells, and a lack of boundaries. 

It takes a lot to cultivate this courage, and this is a BIG part of the work inside Homecoming

Whether you’re already in a relationship or not, this program is about embodying who you are, reclaiming your self-respect and confidence, and setting you up for healthy relationships. 

You can begin Homecoming at any time – it’s my signature self-guided program with five modules designed to support you in your journey home to yourself.


Check out The New Truth podcast episode from this week, where Kate interviews women’s coach Robin Clark about “How to Be In Your Power When Dating.” The conversation between Kate and Robin illuminates the deeper reason why it’s so hard for women to stay empowered when dating – and how to stay rooted within yourself on dates, no matter how attracted you are. Robin is taking a stand to help women break free from patriarchal good-girl conditioning, which, as you all know, is the crux of The New Truth podcast. 

I love you,