Love Letter: Fear of abandonment is just… (5/25/22)

Happy Wednesday, love! 

In the realm of relationships, there is always a theme of working with abandonment wounds, and trauma. I certainly had this (you know, breaking up / getting back together with the same person 10+ times) and it’s not an easy road to heal. 

There are a couple of major signs of the fear of abandonment that show up in dating and some dating ADVICE that actually fuels the fear of abandonment and I want to talk about that today! 

Your midweek mantra is, “I choose myself, I have my own back, I am there for myself fully.”✨

I’ve heard this time and time again, ‘I am afraid of scaring him away” when it comes to dating, and this is 100% rooted in fear of abandonment. 

Every time we don’t tell the truth, share our feelings or needs or advocate for ourselves, we are abandoning OURSELVES. 

But I want you to know that healing the fear of abandonment is no joke. 

It’s big work that I do with my clients, but it’s the most important work there in order to have a healthy, thriving relationship. 

You have to be more willing to lose your partner than you are to lose YOURSELF. 

The consequences are also FAR GREATER when we abandon ourselves than they are for anyone leaving us. 

The work of healing and self-love is becoming your own best friend, becoming an advocate for yourself, having your own back, and trusting yourself because then you trust you can BE yourself in the world, and THIS attracts a truly aligned person! 

If we hold back at all, pretending to be someone we’re not or walking on eggshells, we won’t create the love we crave. 

You aren’t responsible for someone else’s behavior, only your own. 

You can’t “scare someone away.” Of course, some behaviors WORK and behaviors that DO NOT work when it comes to relationships, and that’s the best news of all; we can learn how to do them well. No one is doomed. 

Does it take work? Yes. 

Is it worth it? You bet. 

My self-guided program, HOMECOMING, is for the woman who gets caught in fear when it comes to dating and relationships, the woman who has a pattern of abandoning herself, and the woman who longs for more confidence and clarity around what she needs and wants for her life. Stay tuned for more information on this program! 

Check out The New Truth podcast episode from this week, “How to Know if You’re Settling.” Whether you’re newly dating someone or in a long-term relationship – this episode is for you! We illuminate how to know if you’re settling for a partner or relationship that is not aligned, and how to ensure that you are staying for the right reasons. 

I love you,