There’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately and I want to share it with you.
If you have been following me, you know I am constantly talking about busting the bullshit fairy tale we’ve been fed about Love, right?
You also know that I am SUPER committed to helping ALL HUMANS have exquisite, healthy, happy, loving, AMAZING romantic relationships, RIGHT?
The worst of the fairy tale is that it has us believe “love just happens.” We get lucky. We get hit with Cupid’s arrow and then sail into the sunset to live happily ever after.
The thing is, we ALL can have an amazing relationship, but it will actually REQUIRE work. REQUIRE intention, effort, self awareness and understanding, and not everyone wants that. If you’re reading this, I’m going to trust you are someone who is willing to do the work so you can have what you’ve always dreamed about. Here’s the truth about the drug of Love:
LOVE begins when the feeling of falling in love WEARS OFF.
Did you know, when we fall in love the brain releasesa whole bunch of chemicals?
We totally are falling in love AND our brain is having a huge impact on how we feel during this process. Let’s face it, it truly IS the best drug there is. The problem though, is that this is an unconscious process. We actually believe the feelings we are experiencing are being “caused by” the person that is in front of us, rather than caused by what’s happening INSIDE of us. The problem is, we think THIS is love, when really it’s our body doing what it’s biologically programmed to do.
The truth is – falling in love is the ultimate projection. We are projecting the ESSENCE of who we are (LOVE) onto the face of the person in front of us.
Listen, my dopamine-induced phase with Andrew lasted TWO YEARS (and that’s pretty amazing) and I was crying from having the most exquisite healing orgasms I had ever had in my life, I was more connected to my intuition than I had ever been before, I felt like I was swimming in a golden light of Love every second of every day FOR TWO YEARS. And then, guess what? The chemicals wore off. Because they do, and they usually do at about 2 years. That’s why a bunch of relationship coaches actually tell you NOT to get engaged before 2 years, because then and only then do you have the full scope of the person who is in front of you. Andrew and I got engaged fast and that’s why we waited to get married, we got married 2 years after our engagement.
When the chemicals wear off, THEN Love begins.
This is why I always suggest to my clients to WAIT to become exclusive with someone for several months, because they wait to see how someone behaves after a considerable period of time. It takes a few months to see someone’s true intentions.
Of course, I was “doing the work” of Love during the first two years of my relationship, BUT now, having been with Andrew for 5 years, I know a few more things and I’ve got a few more things to say.
I believe that the exquisite nature of our chemical-induced feeling and projecting God onto the face of the other is MEANT TO HAPPEN so we then LIVE into the practice of BEING LOVE and CREATING LOVE and actually DEALING WITH LIFE. A romantic relationship is essentially like meditation – we meditate to cultivate a feeling of center. To navigate the ups and downs and turn me arounds of life with more grace and compassion and ease because we have a heart center.
In a healthy relationship there’s a CENTER to return to. If you are flailing around and lost to each other you maybe never had a center to begin with, or you need some work to return to center together and learn what it actually means to Love, not just fall IN love.
Then here’s great news – THERE ARE PRACTICES THAT WORK! There are literally things you can do that CULTIVATE LOVE, that create an environment of Love, Kindness, Respect, Admiration and Appreciation of one another for A LIFETIME (Scientifically proven things, so that’s awesome right?) The bad news is, it doesn’t happen through osmosis and it doesn’t happen without INTENTION.
I take a stand for busting the BULLSHIT of relationships and bringing everyone into an EVOLVED consciousness on this freaken LIFE thing, let alone relationships.
You CAN HAVE WHAT YOU WANT.
People who have partners aren’t LUCKIER than you. People who are in happy, fulfilling, amazing relationships aren’t LUCKY, they probably are doing certain things that you can learn how to do too.
Choosing a life partner is one of THE MOST important choices you’ll ever make, don’t make it lightly.
There is nothing wrong with you and you are not “unlucky in love” – perhaps there are unconscious patterns that are playing out for you keeping you from seeing truth, about yourself and about the people in front of you on dates.
I have space opened for 2 new 1:1 clients – and I work with women who are IN relationship too. Maybe you’re past the first year together, or second year together, maybe you’re in your first few years of marriage and now having the courage to learn how to love and I would LOVE to help you, empower you, and strengthen your heart so you can have the relationship you want.
Click here to send me an email if you’re curious about how that process works.
I LOVE YOU. WE can do this. This human thing, this relationship thing, this parenting thing, with CONSCIOUS HEARTS.