I want you to know that I GET IT. I really do. It can be brutal out there. The ghosting, the sexual comments, the mindless small talk, and the lack of effort some men put toward you. I get it and here’s the thing: ALL OVER THE WORLD, every single day, people find Love online.
I have been thinking a lot about how many amazing relationship coaches I know. I really know a lot. I also know there are tons of relationship coaches in general and I LOVE that. Because it means more and more people are recognizing how essential this work is and more and more people are asking for help around relationships and love EVERY SINGLE DAY. Every single day relationship coaches are working with women all of the world (and men!) just like you helping them find Love. I care so much about this because our romantic relationship impacts everything in our life. When we are loved, we shine! I believe we are here to love and be loved and NOTHING makes me happier than watching my clients fall in love with themselves, their lives and their romantic partners.
You are *NOT* so unique and special that you are the only one out there that “just can’t figure out” online dating or that online dating won’t work for you (even though it works for hundreds of thousands of people all over the world). If you’re miserable, there are reasons why and I’m going to tell you them.
I could talk for HOURS about how ESSENTIAL mindset is and I’m going to give you the most powerful principle. Dr. Carol Dweck, in her wonderful book “Mindset” shares the difference between people who have a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. People with a fixed mindset believe you “either have it or don’t” when it comes to skills. They give up easily when there is a challenge and blame others or get discouraged when there are setbacks. People with a fixed mindset believe that they are not smart enough or good enough to change their circumstances. People with a growth mindset believe that if they do not know the answer to a problem, they can find it. They believe challenges should be embraced and are opportunities to grow, they remain persistent and know that effort is essential to mastery. If they experience setbacks, they use it as information for their journey, not as a reason to give up. They also believe that skills can be learned, in all areas of life, so they can always improve anything they are struggling with.
How you date is how you Love. All of the effort and energy you put forth toward dating is going to help you in relationship and the lack of effort and energy you put forth toward dating is going to be what happens in relationship. Can you see the impact of people with a fixed mindset and a growth mindset?
If you have a fixed mindset, that’s probably why you haven’t hired me. Why you just keep spinning your wheels and going on a million dates and it’s not working. If you have a fixed mindset, every “bad date” is a reason for you to hate online dating and just give up. If you have a fixed mindset, you probably think finding love has to do with “luck” rather than it being something you can learn.
A growth mindset is the answer. You see how you have to even have a growth mindset to shift from fixed to growth? You CAN shift too. It is a decision you make. Because YOU are responsible for your life and EVERYONE in the world is worthy and deserving of Love. You actually CAN learn how to master online dating, how to have FUN while online dating and how to find Love online. I have the tools to offer you, your work is to BELIEVE that you can use them. I can believe in Love for you forever, and I will. All of my clients know that at a certain point, THEY have to pick up the belief for themselves, THEY have to believe in themselves and their capacity to learn, THEY learn to see every single date as a GROWTH opportunity; to learn about themselves AND another person and how every single date is bringing them closer to true Love.
Another reason why dating is miserable for you is…
2. You aren’t accepting the givens of online dating. It’s a GIVEN that some people aren’t going to show up, some people are going to ghost, some men are not going to be the right fit for you, some people are going to make weird comments, some dates aren’t going to work out and that is part of the process. It is also part of the process that IT IS A PROCESS. What you keep doing is FOCUSING on the people that aren’t showing up so you’re missing out on the ones that DO. There ARE men who want a committed relationship, there ARE emotionally available men, there ARE men that show up you probably just don’t believe it. If you remember why you’re dating (because you want to find true love) YOU keep showing up because you know you’re worth it and your guy is looking for you too. You are committed to being part of the VISIONARY LOVERS, the women who are unwilling to blame anything outside of them for their circumstances and believe in Love. I’m sure there are women around you who have a negative attitude about online dating, and how is that working out for them? You get to choose and every single day you ARE making choices about what you think, how you behave, and what actions you’ll take. YOU are enough and you are SO CAPABLE of doing the work to find Love.
YES there are ways to make your profile stand out. YES there are ways to inspire deeper connection with men. YES there are sites that are best for you. YES there are red flags you can learn to spot super fast and most of all YES you are worthy, more than good enough and so deserving of extraordinary love.
Is online dating the only way to find Love? Of course not. Can you use these principles if you are meeting people offline? Yes. Choose a growth mindset and accept that a GIVEN of LIFE is that sometimes things don’t work out, sometimes plans change, sometimes people don’t show up but YOU are committed to being someone who holds a compassionate attitude toward life and is a woman that shows up – for herself, for her dreams, and for her desires.
If you are sick and tired of struggling to find Love, I can show you what works, I can support you in remembering how powerful you are and most of all learn the skills about relationships and love we have never learned.
I have spots open for 2 women in my 1:1 coaching program. If you’re interested, click here to send me an email and I’ll send you an application to see if we are a good fit.
I can’t wait to hear from you.