There are 3 big lies you’ve been told about romantic love that are keeping you from having the Love you want and keeping you disempowered and stuck.
1. Love is enough (all you need is Love)
This one is the most brutal. Inherent in this is that love is a feeling we must chase and then once we find that super good yummy feeling, we sail into the sunset and we are good forever. This also fuels the “if I just love him enough, then he will change.” This keeps people stuck, stuck from doing ANY work around relationships or ever asking for help because if all I need is a good feeling, what work would I even have to do? I should just try harder, go on a bazillion more dates, searching for that feeling. Oh and then when the feeling wears off, I must not be meant to be with this person.
2. When you find the “one” (which is also a lie, “the one”) they will know how to meet your needs and you’ll always “get” one another.
Underneath this is the fantasy that in great relationships you never fight, never have disagreements, always agree on everything…this also keeps people from doing any work around Love because they’ve been taught that they don’t HAVE to. Because the “right” person will “just know.” Why would I need communication skills or self awareness? This allows us to take ZERO responsibility for ourselves in partnership, this lie. This lie allows us to give up on love before it even begins, when it actually does ask us to show up for it, when we do realize we actually have to learn something, instead we point the finger at our partner and say it’s their fault for not understanding me or doing what I want.
3. Love is about big romantic gestures
We wait for the big, sweep me off my feet moments that we forget to look at what’s ACTUALLY happening in every moment. Or WORSE we IGNORE red flags because big love bombing gestures are happening. Is someone looking me in the eye when they talk to me? Are they respectful? Emotionally responsive? Do they share themselves vulnerably? Are we able to have real and authentic conversations? Do they do what they say they are going to do? Are they clear in their communication (no games, no mixed signals?) Are we compatible?
There is a NEW WAY of Love. This is what I stand for.
Where we GET to have the promise of MAGIC, yes, the MAGIC of Love is REAL, but turns out WE are the magic. It emerges from INSIDE OF US and how we BRING ourselves to life.
You GET to have it all, you CAN have everything you dream of, and what REAL love asks of you is to surrender the old way and step into taking responsibility for what you crave.
The most painful part for me in the lies is that ALL of it keeps someone from ever asking for help.
Most of my clients start out with saying, “I guess I didn’t want to admit I needed help” Or “I thought I should just know how to do this” Or “I thought I should just try harder” (which kills me. If the fairy tale program is running you, going on MORE dates and MORE apps is not the answer!)
The answer is this:
1. Dismantle the fairytale program inside 2. Admit you need help 3. Learn how to Love 4. Sign up for Committed to Love
Committed to Love is my 6 month group program for women where we get to explore the TRUTH of Love. Where you learn everything you deserve to learn about Love.
We spend the program deepening our understanding of ourselves and WHY we keep recreating the same patterns, getting in right relationship with our SOUL learning how to trust your inner guidance, learning how to love your body and what it means to own your sexuality versus thinking it’s someone else’s job to turn you on (and yes your relationship with your body impacts your Love life!) and then we learn the skills of communication, how to communicate in such a way that you’re connected and experiencing real intimacy. To relate MEANS to connect and we are losing the art of connection because we are all always on our phones.
Join me on 12 LIVE calls, every other Tuesday night starting April 30 with other women who are committed to the new way of Love.
If you’re curious to learn more about the program and want a spot, click here to send me an email and let’s talk!! Just a few weeks left before we begin and this temple door closes.
It doesn’t have to be so hard. I promise.