Over and over again this is what I hear from so many women who don’t quite know what to do when after a month or maybe a bit more, the intensity in which he was pursuing them just drops off.
“But he was so present and attentive in the beginning!!!” They say.
“I just want to go back to the way it was…” They say.
Time for a secret.
He’s doing what he’s SUPPOSED to do. As in, he’s doing this because it feels good for him to. It’s certainly a good thing that he IS doing this, don’t get me wrong. The problem, though, is when women think this is how he will always be and misinterpret this behavior to mean love. It’s not love, it can grow into love, but it’s not love yet.
It takes ZERO effort to engage in the romance phase.Here are the phases of a relationship:
So many women make attraction = commitment or romance = commitment. So many try to make a relationship work out of lust or are too impatient to see if something can turn into real love.
What if you didn’t have to try and MAKE Love work? What if it just WOULD?
How do you know if someone is right for you?
Watch what he does when it’s no longer convenient to show up for you. Watch when he does when you go through something real together, or when there’s a conflict, what kind of effort does he put forth to resolve something with you and connect with you?
Learning how to go slowly when dating is the real practice. To recognize lust when it’s lust and learn how to recognize love when it’s real love. This is why it’s worth it to learn how to Love.
Love is not a feeling. It’s a verb. The biggest lie we’ve been fed is the feeling of Love, that all we need are great feelings in order to make a great relationship. This is why it’s so hard to admit to ourselves when we have no idea what the heck we are doing or we are dating chasing a feeling, versus really knowing how to choose a partner.
Because a relationship isn’t about what’s convenient. It’s about what are we CREATING together. How do we choose love when it’s so not easy to do, how do I show up even when I don’t “feel” like it?
I used to make the assumption that there were a billion things a man would never do for me. I had such low standards that if he remembered my birthday that was a big deal. This is the problem I see all the time. You don’t believe it’s possible for someone to show up for you, so you don’t wait it out.
Lower your expectations, NEVER your standards.
I’m going to say that again.
Lower your expectations, NEVER your standards. An expectation demands that there is only one possibility of something happening, that this is the only person who can give it to us. A standard says, I know how I deserve to be treated and I will wait to see who is capable of treating me that way and treating me that way consistently.
Here’s the truth – there is a man who will KEEP showing up for you.
When we cultivate self worth, when we know who we are and how much we have to offer, we learn to believe that OF COURSE someone will show up for me, I’m worth waiting for, worth fighting for, more than good enough. This is what happens in Committed to Love. This is a devotional practice. this is something we have to cultivate.
Knowing how to navigate conflict is also an essential relationship SKILL. This is also what you’ll learn in Committed to Love.
Conflict in the early stages of a relationship doesn’t mean we have to have this big fight or disagreement. It means we actually have to go through something together. It means I can truly see how he is in his life. How he is with me. How he shows up for the people he cares about and loves, what he makes time for and if he makes time for me.
You are amazing. You are enough. You are worth the wait, the effort, the intention. Someone is going to be so thrilled they get to be with YOU.
Need help believing?
That’s what I love doing for you. Believing in you and your capacity to find real and true love, an equal partner in shared power and vulnerability.
Now imagine a whole GROUP of women cheering you on, reminding you when you forget, supporting you in living into the truth of who you are and holding your vision for romantic partnership WITH you?
That is Committed to Love.
We start next month.
There are ONLY 11 spots available and already there are only 8 left.
May 2019 be the year of Love, transformation, healing and awakening. May 2019 be the year you give yourself permission to dream and dream BIG, the year you DECIDE your life will be what you want it to be.
I would love to walk with you.
I love you,