There are 3 different levels of Love. We all pass through each one (hopefully!) as we move through life and grow into mature, healthy adults. Only one level creates real love, healthy love, sustainable love and that’s Level 3. Knowing where you’re playing at will help you take the next step, guide you to the work that needs to be done (since Love is an inside job!) and support you in not only finding your one and only but embody the skills that make love last.
Where are you?
Level One: “I want someone to love me.”
This is level one because it is the lowest vibration of Love. Here we just want to be cared for, rescued, saved, adored, and given to. It’s the hardest level to admit we are in. It’s the lowest level because we are looking for someone to fill us up, fill the void in our hearts that only WE can actually fill! In this level we are the the needy/wounded child, looking for a parents unconditional love, not a partner.
How we are loved and cared for as children sets us up for how we will love as adults. If we weren’t loved in such a way that taught us we were worthy, lovable and enough exactly as we are will we grow up seeking that validation. Here we are unaware of boundaries, personal responsibility and accountability and still operating as if we are powerless in love. If we believe we are powerless of course we can’t create healthy, fulfilling love! Everyone else is to blame. Level one frantically dates, often frustrated, and is dependent on attention. They feel less than and not deserving of love, so they attract people who are emotionally unavailable or people who will keep them small, insecure and full of doubt. Likely another immature person who feels just as bad about themselves!
The work in Level One is to admit that you are seeking a relationship to fill a void and then instead of thinking you need someone else to fill you up, look for ways to make yourself happy, affirm your worth and your personal power, and become willing to take responsibility for your life! Surrender the “I can’t” attitude and adopt “I CAN!” I can heal, I can learn how to Love, I can take responsibility for my life.
Level Two: “I want someone to love”
They believe their heart is full, but it’s not. Their identity is on being the rescuer, caretaker, savior to others. In level two we have a false sense of self, our worth is connected to what we do, what we contribute, how we give to others. Love is a job and a duty, not an authentic expression. Because this person is looking for someone to rescue, they struggle with receiving love and will end up with partner’s who aren’t able to take care of themselves and dependent on them. They have no capacity for true intimacy and don’t know how to be relational. They still struggle with accountability because they think everything is their fault and they are always to blame, versus allowing other people to take responsibility for themselves. Instead of behaving like a child in level one, level two behaves like a parent! We need an “object” to project a lack of internal self love on. They end up controlling, obsessive, and only truly happy if they are getting what they want. They are most concerned with having A partner (the symbol), then truly having the partner that’s best for them. By focusing on another person they are distracted from their own work.
The work in Level Two still comes back to self worth, admitting we are worthy and valuable because we EXIST, not because of what we do. To let other people have their own path and to practice letting love IN. To believe we are worthy and deserving of an equal partner, one we don’t have to rescue or save.
Level Three: “I want a partner I can experience Love with”
This is the level of love we all crave. A life expressing love generously, receiving love fully, and embracing the healing that love promises. Here we embody our self worth and take responsibility for ourselves. We remember our power, our power to choose, choose our partner’s wisely, choose our thoughts, feelings and behavior. Our hearts truly are full and intimate and life becomes a joy to live as we express our true self. Here the fantasy of love is surrendered, we embrace our humanity and the skill of creating an amazing love story moment by moment. There is nothing lacking in this person’s life because they know they are already whole and complete on their own. They are vulnerable, authentic, present and emotionally available. Here love is embraced as a practice, not something we perfect, a practice we live.
The work here is the skill of love, communication, boundaries, navigating triggers, surrender, faith. Once we have touched the infinite love within our own hearts, we have love to give and receive.
Even if you are at Level 3, there is humility. We know where our edges are, what our work is, and are committed to continuous growth and healing and showing up fully in love.
If you are interested in learning how to Love at Level 3, or to deepen your understanding of love at Level 3, apply to work with me.